In an effort to ease my hurting heart this Fall, I am participating in Project Heal: Capture Your Grief . It's a photography/storytelling project to honor the babies we've lost.
Day 17: Secondary Losses
We lose him or her in that moment. We lose them every moment thereafter.
When I lost Riley Grace, I didn't just lose that tiny baby. I lost the one year old, the two year old, the ten year old I would have now.
A few months ago, I bought Ella this dollhouse, for a fantastic deal. It's mostly been an outdoor toy, I'll have to clean it up of grass clippings, etc. before I bring it inside. This morning, after I read my Bible on my front porch, I looked at it and thought "Riley will never play with this awesome toy."
I remember, when Ella was two, we lived near a CVS store. Ella and I would go there and buy 99 cent nail polish and give ourselves crazy manicures on the weekends. We befriended a cashier, and one day, she said, "You know, you're such a good Mommy, it's a pity you don't have another girl."
And I thought "I do...but she'll never get to do this with me."
As loss parents, I think we sometimes keep a morbid list of things that our child will never get to do. The fun "to do" list for that child is yet another secondary loss.