Sunday, October 4, 2015

Project Heal: Capture Your Grief 2015: Light + Dark

In an effort to ease my hurting heart this fall, I am participating in Project Heal: Capture Your Grief . It's a photography/storytelling project in honor of the babies we've lost.

Day 4: Dark + Light

The picture above was taken nearly 2 years ago. This is my rainbow, Ella, with her sister's special candle. Ella was born exactly a year and two minutes after I lost her sister. After my loss, I yearned for another child, despite the advice of the doctors, who recommended I wait at least 6 months before I began trying again. Ella was born at 35 weeks, and despite being so early, was a good weight and didn't have to stay in the NICU. She is a big ray of light.
So, where does the dark come in?
While having Ella gives me endless joy, having her be so close to the age her sister should be is sometimes a stab in the heart...I'm seeing one of my girls do all of the things that the other one will never do. Someone once told me, in an effort to make me feel better, "Just think. It's like you are watching Riley grow up."
...except I'm not. because there should be two.
With every birthday celebrated by Ella, passes another one that will not be celebrated by Riley. But despite that darkness...the light is so beautiful. Oh, so, so beautiful.

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