Sunday, March 9, 2014

Lessons Learned the Hard Way: Learning my Role

Once upon a time, I was a young(er) Mom, and I made way more money than I do now.

I had a good (but stressful) job and all the bills were paid with money to spare.

And my marriage and family life were in shambles.

My husband resented me, and I resented him right back. At one point, I can honestly say I hated my marriage. We looked like a cute couple, but our marriage was a huge sham.

I was too busy to pay attention to my child and missed almost all of her one-year "firsts."

I was so stressed out, my health suffered.

Flash forward about six years, I have a good (less stress, but less pay) job that I love, my marriage is without a doubt the best it has EVER been, and my daughter lovingly refers to me as her "best friend forever and ever."

So, what changed?

God changed ME.

During my working-80-hour weeks, I received a phone call from my Dad, warning me that I should "think about what I am doing and spend more time at home." I walked away from that phone call with my feelings hurt, thinking that my father did not want me to succeed.

Guess what?

Dad was right.

God created a woman to be her husband's helpmeet (Genesis 2:18), to care for him, and their (eventual) children.

I took (still do!) great pride in my (paid) work, but my homelife suffered terribly. Many of my friends who know just how bad--it wasn't pretty!!!-- my marriage got are quick to blame my husband. "He was a jerk" (well, sometimes), he had a drinking problem (that too!), he didn't "treat me right" (how COULD he? I was never home!)...but it was at LEAST half my fault.

I wish I could say that I got saved by God's grace (I did!) and wham! Everything changed.


It took almost two years of my nose in the Bible, day in and day out to realize something.

I'm a hypocrite. And not the wife and mother I should be.

And so, I started with baby steps.

Complimenting my husband instead of berating him.

Stopping life long enough to pay attention to my daughter.

Taking charge of my daughter's education.

Taking pride in not just my work, but in my HOME LIFE.

We used to eat takeout ALL.THE.TIME. Until we moved to North Carolina, I had never cooked a full meal. True story.

Here's another thing. See that ring? No, it's not my wedding band, but somehow after 2 pregnancies, my weight went DOWN so much that my wedding band no longer point, however, is that I almost never wore it. I didn't want to think of myself as married "to that guy." That ring is a nice replacement, until I either find someone to (further) size down my 4.5 wedding band. My relationship with Gabe? Better than ever. Whenever I see him doubting God ( 1 Corinthians 7:14), I try my best to build him up, and he does the same for me. I'm proud to be his wife.

I almost never kept a plant alive in our early (read: BAD) years of marriage. Even something that small has changed.

Six years ago, I was a terrible role model to my daughter. Not because I worked, but because I didn't take care of my family the way I should have. Remember, even the Proverbs wife worked!!! I'm still not where I should be, but by the grace of God, I'm not where I was.

I'm not saying women shouldn't be successful. I'm not saying we shouldn't work or earn money. I'm not saying wives cannot be breadwinners. I am merely asking anyone who reads this to learn from my mistakes.

Sadly, it took most of the time I've been married, but I am slowly learning my role: as my husband's helpmeet and as my daughter's example.

1 comment:

  1. Sis it's so funny that you wrote this earlier today and tonight the guest Pastor at our new church touched on the same... I have to say that I will NEVER look at II Corinthians 29 the same again after tonight... Tonight I asked God to place his hand on my heart and guide me to where I NEED to be... And a beautiful thing happened... The Pastors wife prayed with me, and for me, and I almost could not get up from kneeling in prayer I felt so weak... My heart is feeling a lightness it has NEVER before felt and I just I am SO grateful that God has never given up on me even though I have walked away from him more times than I can count!