Four years ago, I had a major nervous breakdown in the weeks leading up to my daughters' birthdays. When I say breakdown, I mean BREAK-DOWN.
Breakdown of my faith.
Breakdown of my marriage that would take years to repair.
Breakdown of my sanity. Seriously, I think something was wrong with me that year.
Yesterday was my girls' birthday.
The days leading up to it were gentle, and peaceful.
The major part of yesterday was peaceful and joyful.
I watched my living daughter (8 years old now!) release 9 purple balloons into the cloudy sky, and I was able to smile as they floated away.
Yes, it's difficult to not have both of my daughters with me. It's difficult because there is a great void where Riley should be. I miss her. I've missed her for over 9 years now.
Oh, how I miss her.
God never leaves me.
Every passing year, He holds my hand and carries me if need be.
I used to be in such a place of raw, bitter, ANGRY grief.
I still grieve. I wouldn't be human if I didn't.
But I know where she is.
I know parting isn't forever.
I get to watch her sister grow up.
I'm blessed. Blessed. Blessed.
How far He's brought me.