Last Mother'sDay Project Update: Thank You

Today, I wrote out the last card.
Today, my daughter decorated the last envelope.

And then I broke down in tears.

I am 12 days out from my girls' birthdays. And I am doing what I love.
Usually, this time of years is full of sleepless nights, panic attacks, and crying jags.

For the first time since Riley Grace died, I feel peaceful. I feel fulfilled. I feel...dare I say it...joyful.

I'm helping people. I'm giving them what I so, so desperately wanted after that awful day in 2005. Acknowledgement. Affirmation. These children, these babies, exist. These ladies are still moms. They are the embodiment of strength. To be able to get out of bed in the morning after such a loss is a feat sometimes.

If anyone wants a Father's Day card for an angel Dad, email me. joanna.unbehaun@yahoo.com
I am working toward something big for October 15th.
Anyone with ideas or suggestions, please let me know.

To everyone who supported this project, thank you. You mean more than you will ever know.
To everyone who is receiving a card, thank you for letting me do this for you.
To my husband, who stood by me and told me I was doing something worthwhile, thank you. You're my rock during times where I feel like I am spinning in circles, going nowhere, and everything is out of control.
To my daughter who gave of her time and herself, thank you. You are amazing. Wise beyond your seven years. I am so blessed to be your mother.
To my angel daughter...you made all of this possible. Thank you.
Lord...thank You. You are good all of the time. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

 

 

The "Invisible Mom".

This morning, I opened my email "inbox" to many, many notes from angel Moms.

One email said that this particular lady felt like she was an "invisible mom."

And that said it perfectly. That's exactly how us grieving moms feel if we don't have living children "to show".

I know so many women are being tired of being invisible moms, of not having the acknowledgment from others.

My husband said today, "Life begins at conception. So does parenthood."

YES!

Again, for those who don't know what I'm doing, I'm sending Mother's Day cards to any grieving Mom who wants to feel supported, and loved.

The outpouring of love and support for this project is already overwhelming. I feel like God has brought me to this point. I feel like this is what He wants me to do. Like I am fulfilling a purpose. Like I have come home.

For all of those who have replied: I am honored to send you a card.

For all of those who have offered to help: Thank you. A thousand times thank you. I am humbled and amazed by your willingness to help.

For all of those who feel alone: You're not. If you'd like to be part of the Mother'sDay Project, please email me at joanna.unbehaun@yahoo.com   I would be honored to include you in this project.

To all of my fellow angel moms: We were not MEANT to be invisible.

Gardening and Randomness

Things have been pretty calm in our little household, other than me trying to figure out the how's and such of the Mother's Day project.

Oh, and I've caught Ella's cold.  Coupled with my allergies, it's a big ball of suckiness. Dad yelled at me for "not taking it easy" (he's kidding, right?) and "acting too much like him" (well, you heard it here first. I am my father's daughter).

But, I press on.

With Ella being pretty sick and miserable this Tuesday (she napped, she never naps), I went and got her some movies, owl stickers and fun stuff to color to make her feel better.

Yesterday, she felt good enough to go out and enjoy the sunshine, so we did some shopping for necessities and then I caved and used my extrabucks at CVS to buy a little bowling game so we could bowl in our hallway. Immature? Yeah, kinda. Fun? You bet!!!

More stuff is growing in our little garden, and now comes the part that I hate: thinning out the seedlings. I hate picking out the little seedlings. Call me crazy, but I feel BAD. I get attached to those little plants. Ok. Maybe I am crazy. Hmmm.

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow, I have a full day ahead. If Ella is feeling better, I may take her Spring pictures. If not, I still have a million things to do. Oh well. Such is the life of  a mom and wife, right? :)

An Answer to Prayer

Most of you know about my first daughter. Most of you know about my status as a baby loss mom. In fact, many of you are walking this road with me.

About six years ago, around Christmas time, I was faced with the dilemma of not having an ornament with my firstborn's name on it. I was also faced with the dilemma of not naming my first daughter. My motto when she died was deny, deny, deny.

That Christmas, I had a one-year-old and a heavy heart. My mother asked me to make two personalized ornaments for that year (I had made ornaments for everyone in the years prior), as we had two new additions to the tree: Ella, my daughter and Benjamin, my sister's son. This led to a teary discussion about the "baby that I lost."  My mother not-so-politely told me that it didn't matter if the baby had a name (she didn't at that point), her ornament would have no place on her Christmas tree.

I sat in my office the next afternoon, FURIOUS. This brought to mind another incident, the Mother's Day three days before Ella was born. Someone said that "even though you're not a Mom yet (excuse me?????), we're going to consider you an 'honorary mom' today." (what?!)

Long story short, after much crying and talking to a beautiful mom on myspace, God whispered her name to me. Riley Grace. After looking up the name "Riley", I found "meaning unknown" and that's what she is. I didn't know her. She is my unknown.

I made that ornament. The week leading up to Christmas, my then-one year old climbed up onto a chair, took down Riley's ornament from the top branch of my (tiny) Christmas tree and said, "Whose is that?" I hedged, hemmed and hawed (because I had NEVER EVER spoken to her about her sister, never even taken her to her spot in the cemetery) when Ella surprised me by saying, "That's my sister!"

God is truly amazing!

After that ornament, I reached out to other grieving moms. And then...I felt like I had a purpose. Children's names were being written. They were being spoken. Remembered. I felt like I had come home.

Flash forward six years, a handful of moves, a walk back to Christ...

Many, many prayers of "God, what do I do?" "God, how can I help?"

...and the terrible news that someone in the baby-loss community, OUR community would take money from grieving mothers, prey on their emotions...it was too much to take in.

This afternoon, I took myself out for coffee. Realized that it is almost April. Realized that Mother's Day is coming. Realized that too many of us will not be recognized as Mothers. I will be, because I was blessed with a living child. But what about those who don't have living children? What about those going through life not being acknowledged simply because they don't fit society's idea of a "Mom"?

I want all of those who have lost a baby to feel acknowledged. I want all of those walking this road to feel supported, and loved.

My daughter, Ella said she wants to help.

So...

I am not asking you for money.
I am not asking you for donations.
I am simply asking you to let me send you a Mother's Day card.

Please, comment your thoughts and if you would like to be included in this Mother's Day card project, please email me at joanna.unbehaun@yahoo.com

I don't know how many people I am going to reach. If this makes a difference to ONE person, it was worth it. If this becomes bigger, with more opportunity to help grieving parents, then God gets all of the glory.

The only thing I know is that when Riley died, I felt alone. I don't ever want anyone to feel that way.

After years of praying, and tears, and wondering how I could help....

today, God answered my prayer.